“Why does a person need to believe when they have interest in someone that they are ours like a possession? Is this what ya call jealousy?”

jealousy-special-edition

 

“Goodbye cowgirl, thank you for giving me the time to heal and staying with you. I will never forget the few days I spent with you.  Mom and dad is going to be happy when I get home.”  Celeste melts in love with the little tyke and hands Westin’s several medicine brews with instructions for Peter to drink.  “Peter I want you to rest when you get home, promise me.”  Peter nods yes with his curly blonde hair.  The huntress is pleased to see a normal color return on the boy’s angelic face, but knows its only temporary. Peter gives Celeste a huge bear hug with all his might.  She hears him whisper, “You’re magical cowgirl, I hope to see you soon.”  Celeste keeps a lifeless face as she feels loneliness seep into her bones.  Westin touches his brother’s shoulder, “Okay sport we better get home the first flakes are falling.”  Peter releases Celeste and jumps into the truck with a happy smile on his beautiful face.  Westin tucks his brother into the passenger seat of his father’s truck and clicks the seat belt for security.  Westin shuts the door and gives Celeste a stare down.  “I will return to finish our unity.”  Celeste gives him a grin and said a white lie, “No don’t for I plan to go out hunting tonight.”  Westin loses his smile immediately and is about to say something to her when she turns her back on her guest. Peter rolls down his window and calls out, “Call my mom Celeste and let her know we’re on our way home.” Celeste nods yes without words to her patient and gives a quick glance to Westin who is now behind the driver’s seat. Her heart skips a beat staring at the handsome brother and is about to turn around to go to the barn when she hears Peter talk to his brother while rolling up his window.  “She’s so much better than Sandra.”  Celeste turns around in a daze and plows her moccasin feet through the deep snow towards her barn.  How funny she contemplates one minute a heart can soar in the heavens with happiness, and then the next crushed to mush.  She hears their horn beep and doesn’t pay attention when she opens her barn door and screams out, “Fudge freaking icicles! ”  The tired cowgirl takes off her wet moccasins in anger to set them by the fire stove to dry.  She slips into her furry rabbit slippers and walks to the kitchen in sadness.  It is four o’clock in the late afternoon when she pulls out a quart of vanilla ice cream in the small freezer to consume in greed.

She passes by the telephone and decides to call Peter’s mother.  “Hello,” Celeste hears a young woman’s voice and puffs out, “My I speak to you’re mother or father this is Celeste.”  “One moment please,” the girl replied and in no time flat Westin’s mother answered.  After fifteen minutes on the phone instructing Jean on care with Peter, she hung up and grabbed her defrosting Ice cream to eat in front of the stove.   She takes a big dip and quietly inside her head thinks about Westin having another girl on the line.  The vanilla Ice cream drips a drop on her jumper suit as she brings her attention to put the spoon into her mouth before the rest melts.  In a slow trance she speaks out to give herself a pep up talk, “I don’t own him why do I feel jealous?”  She takes another spoon full of vanilla and says; “I wonder if he is committed to the girl?”  She waits a few moments to ponder out her idea of having a relationship as she licked her spoon clean.  “Why does a person need to believe when they have interest in someone that they are ours like a possession? Is this what ya call jealousy?”  Celeste is serious about understanding this strange emotion she has never experience.  It takes her until the last bite of ice cream to come to a conclusion about jealousy and its destruction to a relationship and one’s self worth.  “Correct me if I’m wrong but I think jealousy isn’t something we have much control over. In truth, it is a natural, instinctive emotion that I believe everyone experiences at one point or another in their lives.”  She gives her self a few moments and continues onward, “Awe perhaps the problem with jealousy is that it masks other feelings and attitudes that are even more hurtful to us and those closest to us. Could this ugly emotion intensify as a shield of deep-seated feelings of possessiveness, insecurity or possible shame?  Maybe what lies at the heart of jealousy could very often be a threat itself, but a drive we have within us to torment ourselves and berate ourselves with self-critical thoughts.  Damn this nasty emotion needs further investigation, but for now my energy level is spent and I don’t want to think anymore.  One thing for sure I ain’t going to be jealous again; because I am comfortable inside my skin.”   She stands up and feels her legs are rubbery after her hot steamy sweat lodge, she takes a deep breath and begins her evening feeding of the farm animals before heading to the house to sleep her night away by the fireplace after having no sleep for twenty four hours.

 

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