Am I trying to love him or what?


After Westin left Celeste’s safe haven, her home once again is silent and lonely.  She decides for the first time in her life to pass her day away in sleep by the fire with Damn dog as her bed partner.  In the mean time, Westin had arrived home and is sitting in his bedroom after the heated discussion he had with his father.  He knew his father was right, but was more shocked to hear Candice stuck her nose into his business and told their parents about Sandra’s dilemma.  Over and over inside his mind Westin had to fess up to the realization he had cooked his goose. He cradles his heavy head into his hands whispering out sorry to Celeste.  “Westin what are your plans?”  Westin takes a glimpse at his kind honest father who just lost his son, and shakes his head out of his muffle confusion. “Dad I don’t know, I don’t love Sandra and I sure in the hell don’t want to marry her until we find out the results.”  John worries for his oldest son and carefully sits down with a cup of coffee in hand.  “Will you tell me son about this Indian girl?  It seems you’re mother and brother thinks she walks on water, and from what I saw when she and that huge dog was standing by Peter’s death bed, something powerful enter our home.  I must confess son her presence is someone I would not trifle with, and I worried for the safety of Candice when she was about to start a fight with the Indian.”  Westin’s face lights up with sunshine and states out, “Dad she would and can kill Candice in a blink of an eye, but she is not a fighter and dislikes confrontations against a living being.  It was Candice’s fault that started the feud between them.”  He begins to spill his guts out to his father about the wild earth girl he is madly in love with, and feels the weight of worry slide off his shoulders just talking about the girl he truly loved for the first time in his reckless life to his loving father.

It is eight o’clock in the evening when Celeste wakes up refresh and ready to attack the hidden treasures of her house.  She had a few weeks to get her house in order before Mr. Spencer moved in, so she decides to begin in the garage.   For many hours into the wee early morning hours, she diligently separates what to keep and what to give away.   She had never realize all the stuff her grandfather kept through the years, and when she finished snooping around in the garage she headed to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast.  The cowgirl sits at her lonely table waiting for her food to cook ,and begins to relive the marvelous enchanting evening she had with Westin. She shakes her head out of her thoughts when she thinks about how was she going to tell the young buck she was leaving to travel the world.  Would he go with her if she asked?  She ponders on the strange idea to have someone in her life as a mate, and stands up to finish cooking her breakfast of elk steak and potatoes.  Peter comes into her mind while she flips her potatoes in the skillet, “I’m jealous my little man that you are with my grandfather and I am not.”  The minute she spoke out her words she senses the little man’s tender spirit float around her kitchen and begins to let her tears fall for being denied the right to follow into the path of Peter.  “I miss ya Papa,” she whispers out and had lost her appetite to eat.  She moves the frying pan off the stove, and decides to take a shower before eating her meal.

The hot steamy shower didn’t help her mood at all when her puppy love emotions started to go hay wire inside her brain as she washes the scent of Westin off her body.  Unable to phantom the unfamiliar emotions that flooded her mind, she leans against the wet tile in the shower and literally weeps out her frustration to find a way out of her confusion.  Minutes ticked pass the wet stressed out girl in the shower when she speaks out loud and shuts off the water, “Am I in love with the boy grandmother?  Or do I lust after him?  Because, part of me doesn’t want a man weighing me down yet why do I feel so alive when I am near him and long for his devotion?  Am I trying to love him or what?”  No reply came to the cowgirl as she dried herself off, and left the bathroom to head into the kitchen to eat her cold meal.  Damn dog is waiting for her with his nose plaster against the kitchen window begging to be let in from the chilly day.  She smiles and forgets about her stuck troubles to let her faithful companion into the house.



7 thoughts on “Am I trying to love him or what?

    1. Indeed Curt, the understanding and experience of knowing would help us out with tough choices; however, virgin encounters of life lessons with unfamiliar emotions are enough to make us go bonkers!~

  1. Wow she’s leaving the only home she has ever known. Poor little one if she had a mother or someone in her life to talk too she could separate situations. Good post Slingshot.

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